


Bear Hunt

by tincanthumbpiano (thankyoufortheadventure)



Category: Ghost Hunt
Genre: Crack, I REGRET NOTHING, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25903903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thankyoufortheadventure/pseuds/tincanthumbpiano
Summary: For my friend, Hannah, with affection.Gene teaches Mai the most important thing about ghost hunting with Naru.Cross-posted to fanfiction.net
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Snavej](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snavej/gifts).



> Sing to the tune of Bear Hunt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7R_y-XXEIo

“Mai, this is the most important thing I’ll ever teach you, are you even paying attention?” Gene sounded unusually severe. “One again, from the top.”

⸻

S.P.R. was investigating a big, dark, creepy house. According to the initial client interview, it had four active areas with noticeable paranormal phenomena. Naru tasked Mai with setting up the monitoring equipment alone again. She huffed then hauled the large equipment case containing the cameras and microphones out of the base room. She was tense and frustrated already, but Gene had prepared her for this eventuality.

The first position for a camera and microphone pair was at the base of the stairs right outside the base. After Mai programmed the camera settings, she climbed the stairs.

She crooned, “We're going on a ghost hunt. We're going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day! We’re not scared. I’m a little scared. Uh-oh! Creaking! On a grand staircase. We can't go through it. We can't go under it. Oh no! We've got to go over it! One step–two step! One step–two step! One step–two step!”

Back at base, Naru ceased discussing the case file, and he stiffened in his seat beside Lin. He eyed the radio receiver, Naru barked at her once she released the button on her radio, “Where did you hear that song?”

“We're going on a ghost hunt. We're going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day! We’re not scared. I’m a little scared. Uh-oh! Knocking! A mystery sound. We can't go over it. We can't go under it. Oh no! We've got to go through it! Don’t look back! Don’t look back! Don’t look back!” she belted out over the din.

She was standing on the fourth step when the knocking started from the right-side wall. With every step, the knocking became louder and harder. By the time she reached the top step, Mai had to grip the handrail with one hand and drag the case with the other.

“Mai, knock it off!” Naru’s voice filtered through the radio static. “Get back to work.” He was sterner now in his anger. Only evident by the small movement of his shoulders, even Lin’s silent laughter ended at Naru’s tone.

At her distance from the base, Mai worried about the increasing interference between the radios. She’d just finish the second setup beside the landing when the walls began to bleed.

Gagging, she radioed back, “We're going on a ghost hunt. We're going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day! We’re not scared. I’m a little scared. Uh-oh! Bloody! Thick oozing ick. We can't go over it. We can't go under it. Oh no! We've got to go through it! Squelch–squelch! Squelch–squelch! Squelch–squelch!”

“Mai—” Naru was interrupted by Monk.

“Mai—” Monk was interrupted by Osamu.

“We’re going on a ghost. We’re going to catch a big—” Osamu was giggling the words more than singing them until he was cut off by piercing feedback.

“We're going on a ghost hunt. We're going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day! We’re not scared. I’m a little scared. Uh-oh! A hole! A deep dark hole. We can't go through it. We can't go under it. Oh no! I've got to go over it! Please don’t trip! Please don’t trip! Please don’t trip!”

She had been slowly moving down the hall when she saw a small break between the floorboards. She stepped back a few feet, ran forward, and hopped across the one-foot gap in the floorboards. Once she landed soundly on the other side, she positioned the third camera and microphone pair.

Mai didn’t know what Naru would have advised. She paused in front of the last door, Mai could hear Ayako scolding the others for their childish behavior. Mai was so close to done, and then she could return to base for a well-deserved break. The door was stuck fast. She pressed a shoulder against it and gave it a jiggle.

When the door gave way under her weight, she sang, “We're going on a ghost hunt. We're going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day! We're not scared. I’m a little scared. Uh-oh! A door! A dumb stuck door. We can't go over it. We can't go under it. Oh no! We've got to go through it! Eeeeee–eeeeee! Eeeeee–eeeeee! Eeeeee–eeeeee!”

“We're going on a ghost hunt. We're going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day! We're not scared. I’m a little scared. Uh-oh! A room! A dark corner. We can't go over it. We can't go under it. Oh-no! We've got to go through it! Tiptoe–tiptoe! Tiptoe–tiptoe! Tiptoe–tiptoe!”

It was colder in here; her words froze like her breath on her lips. An apparition was materializing from the corner of the room. She gently sat the equipment case on the floor in front of her and prepared to flee.

“WHAT’S THAT?!” Mai screamed. “One scary cry! Two glowing eyes! One big temp drop! Two grasping hands! IT’S A GHOST!” She hoped against hope that even if the radio failed that the team could hear her.

“Quick! Back across the secret room! Tiptoe–tiptoe! Tiptoe–tiptoe! Tiptoe–tiptoe!”

Without breaking eye contact with the apparition, she edged backward out of the corner, across the secret room.

“Quick! Back through the locked door! Eeeeee–eeeeee! Eeeeee–eeeeee! Eeeeee–eeeeee!”

She gripped the doorjamb and used it to catapult herself into the hallway.

“Quick! Back over the hole! Please don’t trip! Please don’t trip! Please don’t trip!”

Mai sped down the hallway and cleared the hole with a small leap.

“Quick! Back over the blood! Squelch–squelch! Squelch–squelch! Squelch–squelch!”

Slick underfoot, the blood splattered against her legs. She reached for the decorative finial on the railing, desperate to slow down before she fell down the stairs. Her hands slipped, she skidded then crashed against the wall of the stairwell.

“Quick! Back past the knocking! Don’t look back! Don’t look back! Don’t look back!”

Winded, she kept singing and took the stairs two at a time. She was close to the base, but she sensed the spirit was closer.

“Quick! Back past the creaking! One step–two step! One step–two step! One step–two step!”

Fingernails scrabbled against her shoulders, but Mai flung herself at the door to the base.

Her sprint to safety ended when Mai weaved through the Irregulars towards Naru and his command setup. Had she taken longer than two minutes to return to base, the others probably would have made it farther than the door in their rescue attempt.

She panted, “I’m going to die now! Somebody save me! Got to return to base! Safe behind the wards! Then hide behind Naru, you jerk!”

“Channel it, Masako! Cleanse it, Ayako! Absolve it, Father Brown! Exorcize it, Monk! I’m not going ghost hunting again!” Safe at the base, from behind Naru, Mai issued sing-song orders to the rest of the team.

Despite his rage, Naru rigidly held his position between her and danger. The spirit wasn’t allowed to maim Mai before he could punish her nonsense. Mai tried to puzzle out if she should be grateful for his intervention or more terrified of the consequences, regardless she huddled closer against him.

⸻

“I forgot to mention that I appreciated your dedication to the song, Mai. One day, I hope that I can make Naru that agitated and survive to tell the tale,” Osamu confided in her when they were alone in the office later that week. He still chuckled over it at odd moments when business lulled.

“Thank Gene,” she chirruped. The terror of her ordeal on their most recent case was mostly forgotten now. She leaned closer to him and whispered, “Want me to teach it to you?”


	2. Ghost Hunt Remix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sing to the tune of Bear Hunt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7R_y-XXEIo

We're going on a ghost hunt. 

We're going to catch a big one. 

What a beautiful day! 

We’re not scared.

 _I’m a little scared._

Uh-oh! 

Creaking! 

On a grand staircase. 

We can't go through it. 

We can't go under it. 

Oh no! 

We've got to go over it! 

One step–two step! 

One step–two step! 

One step–two step! 

We're going on a ghost hunt. 

We're going to catch a big one. 

What a beautiful day! 

We’re not scared.

_I’m a little scared._

Uh-oh! 

Knocking! 

A mystery sound. 

We can't go over it. 

We can't go under it. 

Oh no! 

We've got to go through it! 

Don’t look back! 

Don’t look back! 

Don’t look back! 

We're going on a ghost hunt. 

We're going to catch a big one. 

What a beautiful day! 

We’re not scared. 

_I’m a little scared._

Uh-oh! 

Bloody! 

Thick oozing ick. 

We can't go over it, 

We can't go under it. 

Oh no! 

We've got to go through it! 

Squelch–squelch! 

Squelch–squelch! 

Squelch–squelch! 

We're going on a ghost hunt. 

We're going to catch a big one. 

What a beautiful day! 

We’re not scared. 

_I’m a little scared._

Uh-oh! 

A hole! 

A deep dark hole. 

We can't go through it. 

We can't go under it. 

Oh no! 

I've got to go over it! 

Please don’t trip! 

Please don’t trip! 

Please don’t trip! 

We're going on a ghost hunt. 

We're going to catch a big one. 

What a beautiful day! 

We're not scared.

 _I’m a little scared._

Uh-oh! 

A door! 

A dumb stuck door. 

We can't go over it. 

We can't go under it. 

Oh no! 

We've got to go through it! 

Eeeeee–eeeeee!

Eeeeee–eeeeee!

Eeeeee–eeeeee!

We're going on a ghost hunt. 

We're going to catch a big one. 

What a beautiful day! 

We're not scared. 

_I’m a little scared._

Uh-oh! 

A room! 

A dark corner.

We can't go over it. 

We can't go under it. 

Oh-no!

We've got to go through it! 

Tiptoe–tiptoe! 

Tiptoe–tiptoe! 

Tiptoe–tiptoe!

...

WHAT’S THAT?! 

One scary cry! 

Two glowing eyes!

One big temp drop! 

Two grasping hands! 

IT’S A GHOST!

…

Quick! 

Back across the secret room! 

Tiptoe–tiptoe! 

Tiptoe–tiptoe! 

Tiptoe–tiptoe!

Quick!

Back through the locked door! 

Eeeeee–eeeeee! 

Eeeeee–eeeeee!

Eeeeee–eeeeee! 

Quick!

Back over the hole! 

Please don’t trip! 

Please don’t trip! 

Please don’t trip! 

Quick!

Back over the blood! 

Squelch–squelch! 

Squelch–squelch! 

Squelch–squelch! 

Quick!

Back past the knocking! 

Don’t look back! 

Don’t look back! 

Don’t look back! 

Quick!

Back past the creaking! 

One step–two step! 

One step–two step! 

One step–two step! 

_I’m going to die now!_

_Somebody save me!_

Got to return to base!

Safe behind the wards! 

Then hide behind Naru, _you jerk!_

_Channel it Masako!_

_Cleanse it Ayako!_

_Absolve it Father Brown!_

_Exorcize it Monk!_

I’m not going ghost hunting again!


End file.
